Ive been feeling rather terrible lately. I feel lonely and discouraged. But at the same time, I feel excited and happy and loved. My body aches of tiredness, but my brain is screaming for more. I want to be invinicible.. but Im not. I miss companionship, I miss being able to hug the most important person in my life whenever I want to. I miss my family, because we’re all so busy and never see one another. I have no motivation do schoolwork because Im unhappy with myself. Im so happy that cheerleading is going well, and that my family is safe and healthy, but I hate being alone. I hate not having a best friend to talk to in person all the time..
what helps to escape… harry potter. one tree hill. working out… but Ive been sick and so achy I dont even want to think about going to the gym unless I have to.
but I want to be able to be excited about learning again.. ready to face those challenges with school, and not hating doing assignments.
I know there is a bigger picture out there.. I know that this will pass.. but its the worst when its happening. Its like a downward spiral, and its easier to just keep sliding down the slide rather than taking your socks off and walking back to the top. I dont want to be sliding any more.. I want to play on the playset of life.. not fall down the slide that leads back to the ground. I dont know.. maybe there is a swimming pool at the bottom.. that cool and refreshing change.. Hope there are warm towels fresh from the dryer when I get out =)
leave you with this… from one of my escapes =)
“It’s been fifty years, fifty long years since I’ve done this. Looking back on what I said all those years ago, all the hopes and dreams I had, I’ve come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I’m a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life’s disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won’t be sunny, and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember it’s only in the black of night you see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe you’ll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination.”
-Coach Whitey Durham